Loredana on her separation "Why was I the whore? Even today it makes me angry"
Loredana is one of the most successful musicians in the German-speaking world. She is now writing a book about her separation from her ex-husband, the first great love of her life. A rapper in conflict.
No time? blue News summarizes for you
- Rapper Loredana has written a book in which she comes to terms with the separation from the love of her life and the father of her daughter Hana.
- The language of the 29-year-old musician, who grew up in Emmenbrücke LU, is often relentlessly direct and at times bristles with kitsch.
- Fortunately, the 192-page work, which is available in bookshops from today, is not a tasteless reckoning.
- "I'm proud of Hana, I'm proud of my ex and myself for creating something so beautiful," the rapper says conciliatory at the end of her book.
"My dream was always to get married young, have five children with the same man and live out my life with him until the end. Until death do us part."
In the past, from 1976 to 1990, there was the "Musenalp Express" in Switzerland. This was a magazine without an editorial team; instead, young people sent in their texts. Love poems. Prose. Heartache. Short stories. Reveries.
The "Musenalp Express" was the Swiss version of the German "Bravo", so to speak, only without celebrities and star cuts.
Who knows, perhaps rapper Loredana, whose real name is Loridana Zefi and who grew up in Emmenbrücke LU, would have sent in her poems and short stories if she had been a teenager in the 1980s. And eagerly hoped for their publication.
Headfucking and self-destruction
As soon as I started reading Loredana's book "When my heart broke", which is available in bookshops from today, I thought of the "Musenalp Express".
Rose-colored glasses phase. Days of heartbreak. Addiction. Little-Miss-Perfect. Head-fuck. Self-destruction. One buzzword chases the next. And all garnished with lots of kitsch.
In 192 pages, the 29-year-old musician describes her separation from her ex-husband, who is never mentioned by name in the book. A break-up is bad, especially when there is a child involved.
Loredana shows herself to be vulnerable in her book. She writes of grief and depression. But she also writes that she doesn't care what others think about her: "I don't give a fuck. Sorry, but that's the way it is."
"The many cigarettes, the little food, the self-destructive behavior and the negative thought spirals were like a vicious circle. I regret not taking better care of myself. I regret that I hardly ate anything, that I smoked those disgusting two packs of cigarettes a day. I regret that I didn't manage to leave my house for months."
The question remains: why is the rapper now writing a book in which she presents her emotional world to the public? Oh, right, she's a celebrity. And that's what they do these days.
I would have liked to have asked Loredana myself why she has now written a book about her break-up, but unfortunately I'm still waiting for her to agree to an interview.
The rapper was together with her ex for five years. He was her first great love. He is the person to whom she owes her first international success.
And most importantly, he is the father of her daughter Hana. "I'm proud of her, I'm proud of my ex and myself that we've created something so beautiful," the rapper says conciliatory at the end of her book.
Professional footballer and break-up guide
Fortunately, at some point Loredana herself realizes that her sentences in the book are "really starting to get too cheesy".
It happens after the chapter "Love Song", in which the rapper describes her new life with professional footballer Karim Adeyemi. The footballer and the rapper have been a couple for two years.
How does Loredana plan to make it last with the 22-year-old Borussia Dortmund striker? "Every day I try to make him happy. I think that keeps the love fresh."
"When you get through the hardest part of your grieving phase, you know how you never want to feel again. We can't avoid these feelings forever, we don't know what the future holds, but we can be prepared to change certain patterns of behavior at the next heartbreak, to deal with the pain in a healthier way or to activate survival mode earlier. Because we are fighters. We are kings. No matter what comes our way, it will make us stronger, I promise you that."
Exactly, the book "When my heart broke" is also a relationship and break-up guide. Momoll, Loredana also tries her hand at couples therapy. And she doesn't do a bad job of it.
In between the individual biographical chapters full of kitsch and bigotry - just rapper language - there are always sections in gray shaded boxes in which the singer practices self-reflection and gives tips on how to better overcome heartbreak and break-up pain.
Clicks and cheating
But no matter how much kitsch Loredana has packed into her book, she is a successful rapper. And right from the start.
In June 2018, Loredana opened her YouTube channel and uploaded the rap song "Sonnenbrille".
Within no more than 24 hours, it had over one million views and was soon one of the most clicked German-language rap songs ever: it currently has over 69 million clicks.
Or as Loredana writes in her book:
"... I snuck into the male world, into the male-dominated rap world. Musically and above all rap-technically, without having a dick. But again, who cares? I didn't have a hard time as a woman, I'm honest. I was accepted for who I am, I was able to prove what I was capable of through my music, I was celebrated for my talent, not for my breasts or my looks. Not for a cock that I don't have, but for my talent and my passion."
Yes, Loredana's career was going well, very well in fact, and the rapper was celebrated in public for her musical successes.
At least until her break-up with her ex - and a few other difficult stories, such as the fraud case in Valais in which the musician was involved. This is not mentioned in the book.
Cheater and whore
After breaking up with her first great love, the rapper suddenly realized "that there are blatant prejudices against women". Until then, she had never wanted to admit it.
A difference between men and women? Loredana couldn't see that before: "We have the same rights and that's how I behave, that's how I live."
As soon as her ex and she were no longer together, the public turned the musician into the devil. She was immediately the bad guy who had cheated, the rapper claims. At the same time, she was labeled a bad mother.
"Why was I the whore, the cheater, the reason for the break-up? Even today, years later, it makes me angry. Even now, as I write these lines, I am speechless, confused," Loredana asks herself in the book.
Criticism and justification
The whole world against Loredana - at least that's how it felt for the musician. Nevertheless, she was firmly convinced that she didn't have to fight it.
The rapper reveals in the book that she didn't want to justify herself to anyone and certainly not to the public.
"Don't get me wrong, as an artist I'm used to it. When you're in the public eye, you have to be able to deal with hate and criticism, but because I saw exactly how differently my ex and I were treated in the break-up situation, I got really angry."
The question remains as to why rapper Loredana is now going public once again with her break-up story, which dates back several years, and has written a book about it.
After all, she once set herself four rules:
1. I will not say a bad word about my ex-husband.
2. not to justify myself to anyone.
3) I take full responsibility for every step I take in public.
4 I always think of Hana.
Settling accounts and taking stock
Loredana and her ex actually wanted to continue to get along well after their on-off relationship and the definitive separation - if only because of their daughter.
But in an interview with blue News in 2022, Loredana said: "Many people think that he has no contact with their daughter either. But he actually does."
She continued: "It's through my sister, because she also looks after my little girl when I'm not there. The two of us have absolutely no contact."
Anyone who reads Loredana's book to the end will learn that the situation between her and her ex has not improved since then.
"Despite the amicable separation, my ex and I are no longer friends, which may be due to our culture, or to him, because I wouldn't have a problem with that. However, I don't have any negative feelings towards him. We've grown through our time together, experienced a lot together, whether good or bad, we know each other and will always be connected through Hana. If something were to happen to my daughter's father, I would be there immediately. Because he is one of the few people in my life that I once loved."
The end of the year is traditionally the time when TV stations present annual reviews and music journalists spend their nights dutifully compiling lists of the best.
Loredana also takes stock in her book "Als mein Herz brach" (When my heart broke). Not about her life, but about her first great love.
Conclusion: The rapper's language is often fucking ruthless and sometimes bristles with kitsch. But the book is not a tasteless reckoning with her ex.
And that's a good thing.
The passages in italics are original quotes from the book "Als mein Herz brach" by rapper Loredana. The book was published by edition a in Vienna.
