Column Why is it so hard to just do nothing?

Sometimes life just rushes by. But then a forced break slows down the columnist and her son. He has no problem doing nothing. She, on the other hand, faces a major challenge.

Even if we try not to make our lives too stressful as a family, our days are still pretty well timed: get up, have breakfast, get dressed and then take the children to school.

What may sound simple is actually easy with two small children on some days - but on others it's a feat of strength for everyone involved.

After school, there are hobbies to pursue, doctor's appointments to attend, homework to do and games to play. And then it's time for dinner and bed again.

Our family was forced to take a break

At the weekends and during the vacations, however, we don't just want to be at home and spend the day in the forest, by the sea or in the city, meet friends, spend time with grandparents, finally buy new shoes. There's always something going on. And so the days and weeks and months go by at a monkey's pace.

About Michelle de Oliveira

Bild: Privat

Michelle de Oliveira is a journalist, yogini, mother and always in search of balance - and not just on the yoga mat. She also has a soft spot for all things spiritual. In her column, she reports on her experiences with the incomprehensible, but also from her very real life with all its joys and challenges. She lives with her family in Portugal.

Until we were forced to take a break some time ago. My son had to have his tonsils removed and was at home for two weeks afterwards.

And suddenly my world slowed down. Because my son was suddenly very, very slow.

At the beginning, everything hurt him, so even walking from the living room to the toilet took longer than usual.

He struggled to speak and I usually had to ask him several times before I understood him. So we didn't talk more, but longer.

And then there was dinner: if we wanted to put the children to bed at the usual time, we had to eat half an hour earlier because otherwise it would be much too late.

We usually sat at the table for a good hour and a half until he had carefully and slowly slurped or chewed his food. Our daughter, who loves to eat in stages, left the table in the meantime, but then returned after a while for a second portion and really enjoyed this new opportunity.

"Oh dear, that poor child!"

While I worked, my son read or leafed through a book, listened to radio plays or turned his room into a Lego city (very slowly, of course). It was very peaceful when we were both at home.

Until one of those days I came into the living room from the office and found my son just sitting there. On an armchair near the window, but he was looking in the other direction, at the wall. He just sat there and did nothing. He didn't even pick his nose.

My calm was immediately over and my impulse was to think, "Oh dear, that poor child!" and suggest something he could do instead. But I managed to restrain myself and retreat back to the office, he hadn't noticed me.

I myself am usually snappy on the move, sometimes almost agitated and often clumsy, which often ends up costing me more time than if I had been careful from the start.

My brain is always running at full speed

Sometimes everything goes too slowly for me and I wish I could do certain things at twice the speed. My brain is always running at full speed anyway and I usually have an animated inner dialog. Yoga, meditation and long walks help me to calm down at least a little.

But just sitting there and doing nothing, really nothing at all - not even trying to take a nap - I almost can't stand it. And I was shocked to realize how difficult it was for me to put up with this with my son.

I immediately thought he should be doing something, maybe doing arts and crafts or playing or learning. I also felt like a bad mother if I just let my child sit there like that. He was obviously quite content and was probably daydreaming.

A quality I envy him for. A quality that many people lack, I think. I certainly do.

And that's why I want to practise it now that our everyday lives are moving at a faster pace again. I try to do nothing for five minutes at least once a day.

I often need a cup of coffee to do this. But without a cell phone, without writing shopping lists, without reading a few pages of a book. Just be and listen to the silence. Who would have thought that something so simple could be so challenging.

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