Column Why I find it harder and harder to make new friends

The columnist has missed her long-time friends since moving to Portugal. But she enjoys it all the more when they are together again. And explains what this has to do with snakes.

We emigrated to Portugal a good two years ago. It's a decision I've never regretted, but it does make me homesick from time to time.

It's at its worst when I've been in Switzerland, as I was again a few weeks ago.

When I meet my friends, who I've known since I was a teenager, for dinner and we laugh until tears run down our flushed cheeks.

When there is finally enough time for long conversations without a screen in between, for spontaneous hugs and wild secrets.

Then an emptiness sets in

When my favorite people come together and we stumble along Zurich's Langstrasse and it feels like always. When I can spontaneously meet people with whom I usually have little contact for a coffee.

About the person: Michelle de Oliveira

Bild: Privat

Michelle de Oliveira is a journalist, yogini, mother and always in search of balance - and not just on the yoga mat. She also has a soft spot for all things spiritual. In her column, she reports on her experiences with the incomprehensible, but also from her very real life with all its joys and challenges. She lives with her family in Portugal.

Afterwards, I always find it difficult to fly back. An emptiness sets in. And at the same time I feel nourished.

I have a big family here in Portugal and I have met many great people.

Some have become friends, even if they still have tenuous bonds. I have no lack of social contacts.

But I have noticed that I no longer make friends as easily as I used to. I'm more selective, I know more precisely what I want and where I'm no longer prepared to compromise.

Suddenly, these friendships dissolved again

There used to be more temporary friendships in my life. People who were in a similar phase of life and who I saw almost every day for months, sometimes years, and with whom I shared my life intensively. And then suddenly these friendships would dissolve again.

Without a fight, without much fuss, but simply because their time was over.

Like a T-shirt that has faded from being worn so much and that slips further and further to the back of your closet until you forget it's even there. Or one that you throw in the bin one day, almost emotionlessly, simply because you no longer want to wear it.

The fact that my circle of friends no longer grows as easily as it used to is also due to the fact that there is simply less time for friendships in my current life situation. With children, a dog and work, the amount of free space is modest.

And the older I get, the more I prefer to spend the little free time I have just with myself. I'd rather go for a quiet walk, read a gripping book or take a nap than meet up with someone whose company I don't really enjoy.

At the same time, I'm convinced that it's important to break out of the cocoon every now and then and meet people instead of becoming a complete loner. Even if it sometimes takes a bit of effort, I regularly venture out of my cave and mingle with people.

Developed into a snake in terms of friendships

But I still believe that I have developed into a snake in terms of friendship. Not because I'm poisonous and perhaps because I spread fear and terror. But because, like the green anaconda, for example, I can eat a lot at once.

While it eats an entire capybara, I fill up my friend store to the maximum when I'm in Switzerland. The snake then doesn't need any more food for months, partly because it is so ready to digest its prey.

It's similar for me: when I'm in Switzerland, I'm on the go almost non-stop and eat everything I can get from my loved ones.

Afterwards, I'm usually exhausted, but also wonderfully satiated. And then - like the snake from the capybara - I also eat it for a very long time.