Meyer's love clinic "I want to break up, but my partner won't accept it"
Since author Thomas Meyer published his guide "Trennt euch!" in 2017, he has received - and answered - over 1,000 letters about relationship issues. Here he talks about his experiences as a break-up counselor.
No time? blue News summarizes for you
- In the advice column "Meyer's Love Clinic", writer and coach Thomas Meyer advises blue News readers on problems in love and relationships.
- The topic of the eleventh column: Since Meyer published the guide "Separate yourselves!" seven years ago, he has received - and answered - over 1,000 letters on relationship issues.
- In today's column, he talks about his experiences as a break-up counselor.
- Do you have a question about relationship or love problems? Email Thomas Meyer now at liebesklinik@bluewin.ch
People are different - but not so much.
Neither are the challenges we experience in our relationships. In fact, there is only one question: how do couples manage to overcome their differences?
Spoiler: Quite a lot of differences are unfortunately insurmountable.
A common problem is that one partner wants to separate and has expressed this several times, but the other simply ignores it. Of course, this only works as long as the person wanting to separate accepts this refusal. We'll come to that in a moment.
About the author: Thomas Meyer
Writer, screenwriter - and coach in relationship and love issues: Thomas Meyer, born in 1974, now advises blue News readers on heartbreak and relationship problems.
The end of a relationship is always painful and drastic. It fundamentally changes your life.
It is understandable that people look for ways to avoid the break-up.
Some resort to arguing or begging, others to blackmail (very popular when the father of the child wants to separate) - or even to forbid it: No, you're not separating from me, period.
It's not nice to be abandoned
As I said, it's easy to understand. It's not nice to be left. But it's not the problem of the person who wants to leave. And neither of you should make it your problem.
In other words, if your partner ends the relationship, you are well advised to accept it, even if you are completely against it.
And ask yourself: Why do I dislike it so much? What feelings does this bring up in me? And why? It's best to get support from a specialist.
And if you're the one who wants to leave and your partner is reluctant and you cave in out of a guilty conscience, it's about the exact same question:
Why does this make me feel so guilty? Why am I subordinating my needs so radically to those of my partner? Therapy can help here too.
You don't have to explain yourself
The desire to end a relationship may frighten and offend the other person. And that in turn can make you feel insecure and hurt yourself. But none of this makes this desire any less legitimate or makes it disappear.
If your partner refuses to accept your desire to break up, you shouldn't try to convince them. You don't have to explain yourself.
You don't want more, that's reason enough, and if you don't respect him, he doesn't respect you - and that alone is reason enough to end things.
Make it very clear that the relationship is over, thank him for the time you spent together and then behave like someone who has ended a relationship. And not like someone who wants to end it.